Sam's Coming Out Party

Sam Hart

2006-12-13 16:34:17

Well, apparently, Soy makes you gay. I personally drink soy milk and eat a lot of soy-based foods (I'm mostly vegetarian). Ergo, I must be gay.

It really is a relief, honestly. Here I was, questioning my sexuality, wondering if my tastes in background images were due to a rabid lust for the female form, or just a cry for help from a tortured, homosexual soul. I mean.... of course I'm gay, here I am 30-something and I'm yet to even impregnate a woman! Egads! It's so obvious!

Thank goodness there's people out there like Jim Rutz who aren't afraid to stand up to "Big Soy" and warn people of the perils of consuming high protien, low fat, soy products!

Because I'm slightly concerned that this hilariously embarassing editorial may vanish from the web at any time, I'm going to quote some of it for posterity.

There's a slow poison out there that's severely damaging our children and threatening to tear apart our culture. The ironic part is, it's a "health food," one of our most popular.


Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality. That's why most of the medical (not socio-spiritual) blame for today's rise in homosexuality must fall upon the rise in soy formula and other soy products. (Most babies are bottle-fed during some part of their infancy, and one-fourth of them are getting soy milk!) Homosexuals often argue that their homosexuality is inborn because "I can't remember a time when I wasn't homosexual." No, homosexuality is always deviant. But now many of them can truthfully say that they can't remember a time when excess estrogen wasn't influencing them.


P.S.: Soy sauce is fine. Unlike soy milk, it's perfectly safe because it's fermented, which changes its molecular structure. Miso, natto and tempeh are also OK, but avoid tofu.